My Relationship with My Phone is Shifting

My Summer Phone Experiment + Slow Productivity Event

You can listen to an audio version of this newsletter above. Please note that this is unedited and I’m recording in my home office/

A few quick notes before we dive in today

• I’m currently accepting new 1-on-1 coaching clients for biweekly and weekly calls (10% discount for paid tending subscribers).

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If you’re curious about any of these, reach out via email (Kate@KateHenry.com) or schedule yourself in for a free 30-minute chat with me. Thank you!

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Are you ready to let go of the constant pressure to do more and instead focus on tending to yourself? Join me at "The Women Unleashed" summit to learn some practical Slow Productivity tools. The summit is free with an option to upgrade for extra resources and recordings. Hope to see you there!

Red phone by Miryam León on Unsplash.

I was a late adopter of the iPhone.

Apple released their miraculous device when was a sophomore in college, but I didn’t trade in my cellular phone with buttons until I was well into graduate school.

This isn’t a post about the benefits versus the losses we experienced when we started carrying little computers in our pockets. We know that our phones are addictive—particularly social media’s use of roulette machine mechanisms that trigger us to scroll down, refresh, and hope to gain a few digital hearts. Our phones help us function: we do our business on them, we read novels, we learn new languages, we track our workouts, and we use self-help and habit-tracker apps to improve the quality of our lives.

In preparation for this post, I returned to some writing I did in 2018 for my blog post, “Social Media with Intention and Awareness.” While I feel less compelled in 2023 to urgently check social media than I did five years ago, I still struggle with anxiety around being unavailable and potentially missing an emergency call from someone I care about. My rational brain knows this isn’t logical; the folks in my friend and family circle have partners and communities in the cities where they live. I’m certainly not the only number in their phones.

Still, I cling to my iPhone and AppleWatch as a way to feel more in control, as if being there to answer a text or phone call can stave off bad things happening to the people I love.

Reflecting on Phone Feelings

In 2018, I generated reflection questions to help me develop more intention and awareness around my phone usage. I chose to return to them five years later to see how they applied to my ongoing conundrum of wanting to take space from my phone.

1. How does your current social media and phone usage make you feel?

2. How does your body respond when you think about turning your phone off for 15 minutes? What about 30 minutes? An hour? Three hours? Are there time limits that feel totally doable, but a longer one makes you feel panicky? Why?

3. When were times you’ve not checked your phone or social media for an extended period of time and felt okay? What was happening then that made you feel okay about being offline and away from your phone?

Here are my answers to these questions today

1. Sometimes my phone makes me feel good and happy. I like to read comics on Instagram, listen to podcasts when I cook, catch up with my friends on calls when I walk around town, and peruse clothes that I can add to my slow fashion wishlist board on Pinterest. I do not like the ways I feel tethered to my phone when it comes to being available “just in case” someone needs me.

2. Compared to when I first answered these questions in 2018, I feel like I can take more time away from my phone and feel okay about it. My phone is on silent 99% of the time and on “do not disturb” most of my workday, so while I still check it at least once an hour, I feel okay about taking some distance. It’s easier for me to take space during my workday, but I feel a little nervous about stepping away from it after hours.

3. For the third question, I find that it’s easiest for me to step away from my phone when I’ve let the folks in my inner circle know that I’ll be MIA. If I’m on vacation, hanging with friends, or participating in a workshop or course, it’s easier for me to take time away from my phone to be in the moment.

I’d like to explore this practice of taking distance more, though. I’ve been working on my attachment to my phone as a safety measure when I’m out with my spouse, Kris. When we go on a walk, Kris’s phone comes with us and I leave mine at home. If someone needs to get ahold of me, they can call Kris, my actual emergency contact.

My Summer Phone Experiment

As far as the evening nerves around my phone’s proximity to me, I’m trying something new. In our home, upstairs is for doing a specific action—working, sleeping, doing yoga—and downstairs is for cooking, eating, and hanging out. I’m experimenting this summer with plugging my phone in to charge in my office around 7pm and forgetting about it until the next morning. I’m taking baby steps right now, still peeking at my phone when I brush my teeth before bed, but I hope I can explore what it’s like to not check my phone at all between 7pm and the morning. I’ll keep you updated on how it goes!

What about you?

What’s your current experience like with your own phone? Perhaps your phone feels fine, but you feel anxious about not checking your email? I’d love to hear your thoughts below, especially if you answer the reflection questions I shared above!

Curiosities

• Fellow gamers: is anyone else playing the new Final Fantasy video game? It’s giving me distinct Game of Thrones meets God of War vibes, which I’m okay with because I liked both on their own. I like it! The music is great, the characters and premise are interesting, and the fighting mechanics are impressive.

• I’m reading the second book of The Founders Trilogy by Robert Jackson Bennett and it’s reminding me of the video game, BioShock Infinite. The different factions all working with magic and competing with one another, items that can talk or do special tricks, and sassy, foul-mouthed main characters... I love it.

• As you might remember, I’m a recovering alcoholic with 10+ years of sobriety. I’ve been exploring non-alcoholic versions of alcoholic drinks to see if I’d like them. So far I don’t like them. I tried an alcohol-removed red wine and a “phony negroni” and found them both kind of gross. Kris said the fake negroni tasted similar to a regular negroni, but back when I was drinking I never tried a real one, so maybe I’m just not a negroni gal. I recently have been enjoying homemade lemonade with mint and maple syrup, though. What are your favorite non-alcoholic drinks? Share your suggestions in the comments!

For Your Consideration

• Follow me on Instagram

• Order my book, Tend to It: A Holistic Guide to Intentional Productivity

• Listen to my podcast interviews

Take good care,

Dr. Kate

Photo of Dr. Kate by Amanda Macchia.