Putting Days in Your Pocket

my wishes for 37

You can listen to an audio version of this newsletter above. Please note that this is unedited, there are some natural stumbles, and I’m recording in my home office. I still hope you enjoy!

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I’m turning 37 this coming Sunday the 24th (Libra baby!) and I planned on writing a list of insights for you all. I aimed to share 37 pieces of wisdom, but it turns out that’s quite a long list and writing it felt like a chore. In place of 37 bite-sized witticisms, here’s my birthday wish to live life more deeply. I hope it resonates with you, too.

I inhaled the first book of the Thursday Murder Club Mystery series in less than 36 hours. It was funny, cozy, and surprisingly poignant. For example, one of the murder-solving retirees shared the increasing value of memories as you age and witness your loved ones and friends passing away:

“In life you have to learn to count the good days. You have to tuck them in your pocket and carry them around with you. So I’m putting today in my pocket and I’m off to bed.”

Of course, she was double my age, but her reflection inspired my own: what kinds of days do I want to put in my pocket, and more importantly, how can I have more of them?

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If I want to have more days with memories I’d like to store away and return to with fondness, perhaps a first step is getting clear about what matters to me. On my drive to my favorite place last week (the Montague Bookmill), I re-listened to the Let It Be episode where Brooke McAlary and Kelly Exeter talked about values. Brooke mentioned her practice of writing her eulogy (it may sound a bit morbid, but offers perspective about how you live your life). I imagined that one day a very long time from now, my loved ones might mention my wit, humor, kindness, my passion for learning and accessibility and valuing people’s labors, how I routinely scheduled phone dates with friends to stay in touch, and other acts of tenderness and care.

Brooke and Kelly talked about identifying your values from one of the various menus you’ll get if you Google “list of personal values.” I searched for a list and determined ten values I’m currently most drawn to: beauty, community, ethics, kindness, knowledge, love, playfulness, satisfaction, spirituality, and support.

Many of these values represent what I bring to others (kindness, love, support), and the values that feel more inward-facing, meant to nourish just, me feel dimmer. It’s quite easy to postpone something that nourishes only yourself, particularly if you have limited energy and time. For me, this means beauty and spirituality often get put on the back burner.

So how do I integrate these values more into my life? Well, a lot of my work with productivity comes down to reverse engineering an approach to achieve a goal. To get there, I lead folks through first identifying an outcome and then working backwards to develop a rough plan while accounting for accessibility, obstacles, and personal strengths or preferences. On the one hand, bringing intentionality to developing habits for my values sounds exhausting. But on the other hand, I know I’ll need structure to convince myself that it’s necessary to make time for them.

Here are a few things I’m considering as I try to have more days to save in my pocket this year.

• Explore solo self-care practices

• Ask myself “why not?” when I feel nervous about doing something different

• Listen to jazz and classical music

• Care for my nervous system

• Spend time with trees

• Cook stews and soups

I’d love to hear your list of what practices touch on your values and will give you lovely memories, too. What kinds of things do you want to put in your pocket?

Curiosities

This section of my letters is for things that made me say “hmmm” or “wow!” recently.

• “The Woman on the Line” by Aymann Ismail and Mary Harris. This article is a bit intense but also documents the life-saving efforts of harm reduction. Content note for discussion of drug use and overdose.

• Music videos. Kris and I are going to see boygenius the day after my birthday and I spent some time watching their music videos. I particularly loved the one for “$20,” which is one of my favorite songs. I feel like in a way, taking time to listen to music and watch music videos fills up my “beauty” value meter.

• Edith Hollander’s Guest post for

  Publish Not Perish
  , “How Learning to Live with Illness Taught Me A New Way to Learn.” I gasped when I read this part in particular, and while Hollander is describing her own experience, I related a lot: “One way to think about being a producer and a sick person is that we can no longer afford the self-admonishment that tends to come with the unreasonable expectations placed on us by our culture and the neoliberal academy. For me, I learned that my lifetime habit of negative self-talk around work was actually a privilege. I just don’t have the energy to spend on it anymore.” I’m looking forward to Hollander’s Part 2, which is coming out tomorrow.

Hope you all have lovely weeks.

Take care and talk soon,

Dr. Kate

For Your Consideration

• Learn about my coaching offerings

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• Order my book, Tend to It: A Holistic Guide to Intentional Productivity

• Listen to my podcast interviews

Photo of Dr. Kate by Amanda Macchia