Involving Others in Our Goals
external accountability as motivation
A few quick & important notes before we dive in:
If you’re an academic writer, I invite you to check out AcWriMo for free resources and events to support writers on academic projects. Learn more and sign up here.
If you want to start Success & Accountability Coaching before the end of the year, I invite you to schedule a chat ASAP! Curious? Let’s chat here!
I created an exciting new resource for folks who are working on complex, long-term projects, which I’m calling the Sustainable Productivity Planner. You can access it here.
I discussed Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies framework in my April newsletter, “What Motivates You to Follow Through?”
You can dive deep into the framework in that letter, but as a quick reminder, Rubin posits that our response to expectations fall into four personality types: Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, and Rebel. Upholders respond readily to their own expectations, as well as the expectations imposed by others. Questioners tend to meet their own expectations, but resist the expectations of others. Obligers resist the expectations they impose on themselves, but respond well to external expectations. And Rebels resist their own expectations, as well as those of others.
It’s generally a good idea to take personality quizzes with a grain of salt (one of my favorite podcasts, Maintenance Phase, recently shared a fascinating deep dive into the Myers-Briggs Personality Indicator). That being said, I do value Rubin’s Four Tendencies framework as a tool for reflection and I do relate to the tendency I scored on her quiz. Like every productivity approach I talk about here at Tending, I invite you to please take what works, adapt it for your real life, and leave the rest.
In January 2024 I started inviting new Success & Accountability Coaching Clients to complete Gretchen Rubin’s “Four Tendencies” online quiz. Here’s what I learned: 79% of them were Obligers, 14% were Questioners, and 7% were Rebels. None of my new clients this year scored “Upholder” on Rubin’s quiz, though that isn’t surprising to me, as the whole purpose of Success & Accountability Coaching is to support folks through external accountability.
In fact, over 50% of my current clients are folks who find this hands-on approach to coaching so helpful that they have chosen to renew after the conclusion of their six-month coaching package.
I’ve scored “Obliger” every time I’ve taken Rubin’s quiz and I feel that assessment is apt. I love setting new goals, starting new projects, and trying out new habits—but if I’m the only one who knows about them I’m less likely to accomplish them (or even remember to do them—whoops). Whenever I incorporate external accountability into my goals, I find more success, whether that support comes from my own coach, my therapist, a helpful app, co-working with pals, or other external deadlines.
How I Set Myself Up For Success as an Obliger
Create To-Do Lists After Meetings
When I was writing my dissertation, my advisor would provide me with written comments on my drafts and spoken feedback during our meetings. I would take notes when we met to discuss my writing, and then later that day, I would work through my notes and her marginalia on my drafts in order to reverse engineer a to-do list for myself and ensure I wouldn’t forget something.
Weave In External Accountability
For personal and business goals, I have my own coach who I’ve been meeting with monthly for four years. I type up a to-do list for myself after each call and use that as a guide for myself between our calls. I love the feeling of telling her that I checked off the boxes on the to-do list, and I also know that she and I can strategize in our next coaching session if I have difficulty completing any of the tasks we identified together.
I practice yoga asana on Zoom multiple times each week, including private yoga sessions with a teacher I’ve worked 1-on-1 with since 2017. I like to schedule my classes and lessons months out in my schedule because it helps me allocate money for classes and prioritize showing up. While it’s certainly okay to miss a class when needed, it feels good to know that my teachers know who I am and notice when I’m not there.
Make Finishing Tasks Feel Rewarding
I use the app Finch to turn habit formation into a game that I can complete each day. The premise of the app is that you add in self-care activities that you’d like to complete, and every time you check one off your little Finch character (I named mine Peanut) earns points you can use to buy clothes, trips, and decorations. Before I worked from home, I loved using Todoist to track my to-do list for the same reason, as I could access it across devices—but Finch adds an extra cuteness to the process.
I schedule co-working sessions where I show up to do focused work with others, either as a benefit for paid subscribers to this newsletter, with a business buddy, or with friends. Not only does co-working increase my efficiency and focus, it also allows me to cheer on others and witness them cheering me on when I chip away at my to-do list. You can learn more about how to run your own co-working sessions via this post.
How Success & Accountability Coaching Supports Obligers, Questioners, and Rebels Alike
Every client I coach is unique and my approach is personalized to each person’s needs, but one constant is that I always provide support through external accountability. I meet with my clients every other week for coaching, as well as check in with them weekly via email to provide additional support between sessions. Any client I’ve worked with will tell you that I’m compassionate and encouraging, but I’m also keen on helping them make their tasks actionable and achievable.
Obligers might find checking off these actionable to-do list items particularly motivating during a long-term project. And we work together to define what is “achievable” each step along the way—I’m much more interested in supporting folks in trending in a direction they want to go instead of achieving 100% success every day. Life happens and sometimes we have to scale down our approach, and that’s okay!
For Rebels, Success & Accountability Coaching offers freedom to make choices that align with their identity and personal values, which often results in creative and unique approaches to problem-solving. By getting clear on the reasons a Rebel wants to achieve a particular goal, we’re able to reverse engineer a unique approach to productivity sessions that feels intrinsically motivating.
And because Questioners tend to resist mindlessly following through with what others have assigned or suggested, they benefit greatly from this style of coaching where they can learn about their own patterns of behavior and experiment with different approaches to hone a toolbox they know works for them as individuals.
Many of us struggle with our productivity practice because too often we’re taught “one size fits all” tactics that don’t take into account our individual motivators, needs, and access to resources. If you’re curious about what it might look like to take a personalized approach with built-in accountability, I invite you to learn more about Success & Accountability Coaching on my website.
Take good care and talk soon,
Dr. Kate