Improve Your Three Rs
Routine, rhythm, and ritual
I spent November getting curious about my experience with my own routines, rhythms, and rituals.
I was curious about how I was spending my time and energy and wanted to see if I could find ways to conserve my spoons. For folks who are scratching their heads right now, Spoon Theory is a method created by Christine Miserandino to help people who live with chronic illness, pain, and fatigue allocate their energy expenditure. Each spoon is a metaphorical unit of energy that people use up when completing a task. Some days a particular task might take one spoon, but on other days the same task might use all your spoons. Some days you might feel like you have eight spoons; on others, you’ve got to decide if your limited spoons go to taking a shower, doing a task for work, or cooking a meal. You can learn more about Spoon Theory in this blog post.
Before I get into the takeaway exercise about routines, rhythms, and rituals, I want to break down each of these terms. I like how I explained the three Rs in my blog post, “The Magic of Routine, Rhythm, and Ritual,” so I’m borrowing this language from there:
These three words are often used interchangeably, which is okay in my mind, because it is up to you to interpret what a particular action means to you personally. But for the sake of assessing each one’s particular meaning, I’ll describe them below.
Routine
How I would describe it: A part of the habit formation method, prompted by a cue and begetting a reward. Actions taken at the same time in the same way, repeated over and over, with a purpose of bettering your life.
A definition I like: “Habitual or mechanical performance of an established procedure.”
A quote I like: “Routines are really a set of habits, actions that are sequenced together” (Sonia Harris).
Rhythm
How I would describe it: Completing goals outside of predetermined timeline or order.
A definition I like: “Movement, fluctuation, or variation marked by the regular recurrence or natural flow of related elements.”
A quote I like: “Your day just unfolds” (“Let It Be,” episode 051).
Ritual
How I would describe it: A ceremonial, mindful act that is tied to intention.
A definition I like: “The established form for a ceremony.”
A quote I like: “Ritual is something you’ll stand up for” (“Let It Be,” episode 051).
A second quote that I like: “Ritual expands our horizons to aspects of life beyond daily requirements” (Rhoda P. Curtis).
Takeaway: Action Step Journal Prompts
Today’s Tending Letter takeaway will help you to determine small, actionable steps you can take to improve your experience with your three Rs.
Step 1: Take a few minutes to generate a list of the activities you regularly engage in and assign a label of routine, rhythm, and ritual to each one. If it helps, you can limit your list to the activities you did in November. For example, my routines include my Monday check-ins with my clients and going to yoga classes; my rhythms include completing various work tasks between 10am-4pm; and my rituals include reading in bed in the morning.
Step 2: Journal your answers to the following pair of questions. Feel free to edit the language in the questions to make it feel more fitting to your own experience.
When do my routines help me or improve my life?
When do my routines make things difficult or harm me?
Then answer the same questions for your rhythms and rituals.
Here are some of the things I came up with:
My routines help me to batch tasks to certain days so I don’t overbook myself, but sometimes I feel limited in how many things I can accomplish.
My rhythm approach to my work allows me to feel creative and to choose which tasks to work on and when to do them, but I struggle if I’m trying to work on multiple high priority tasks near a deadline.
My rituals help me to practice slow living and self-care, but it’s challenging when I feel guilty for avoiding them when I’m busy, especially if I feel like I’m letting myself down.
Step 3: Review your answers and identify one small shift that you’d like to make in December. Before you do this, I want to stress the word “small”! We often want to make big changes or make multiple changes at once, but I encourage you to identify one actionable, achievable shift. When we try to do too much at once—particularly if we’re dealing with limited personal resources like time, energy, or spoons—we can feel overwhelmed and defeated. Set yourself up for success with a small shift!
So, how about this. Look over your reflection answers and choose an action that you can do in less than 5 minutes. For me, this might mean taking five minutes on Friday when I’m planning out my next week to intentionally schedule blank space into my calendar between meetings. What small task can help you make progress?
Want to dive deeper? The blog post I mentioned above includes an exercise on auditing your three Rs and examining the amount of time you spend on each one. It’s a fascinating exercise if you’re curious about the ways you spend your time.
For Your Consideration
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xo,
Dr. Kate