Entering my wild and precious year

intuitively, of course

Photo of field, trees, and mountainside by Adam Kool from Unsplash.

I love theme words. Since 2018, I've chosen a theme word to guide my decision-making throughout the year. My words for the last 5 years were Tend, Garden, Intention, Commitment, and Blossom. This year I’ve actually settled on a combo: Wild and Precious.

Fellow poets might immediately catch the reference to Mary Oliver’s famous poem “The Summer Day,” which ends with the lines:

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life.”

If you read the full poem, you’ll note that these lines follow Oliver’s description of awe and bliss in nature after observing the movements of a grasshopper going about her life. As I explore slow living, I yearn to notice minute and meaningful moments like Oliver’s grasshopper.

Why Precious?

In my last Tending Letter of 2022, I determined to build a foundation that will support me as I listen to my intuition. What would strengthen my foundation, I wondered. Building habits and structure through discipline seemed like a good recipe for a sound foundation.

But the concept of “discipline” gave me pause. Discipline is often punitive, wielded to enforce normative behavior in others or in oneself. I do want to explore my growth edge and develop new habits in 2023. I want to slow down, sit with my aversion to certain tasks that I know are “good for me,” and guide myself to act in a manner that serves my highest good. But I’d like my practice to come from self-love, almost in a loving self-parenting type of way, not from a metaphorical rap on the knuckles with a ruler.

Instead of using "discipline" as my guide, I shifted to "precious." It's a poetic reminder to myself that time is precious and I’d like to make nourishing choices that can benefit me in the long term.

Why Wild?

“Wild” symbolizes the intuition I plan to follow in 2023. Our intuition can help us make decisions when faced with choices. According to the field of Positive Psychology, this ability to make decisions in the moment “free[s] up valuable mental resources to tackle novel experiences and optimize learning.”

[Content Warning: the next paragraph talks about Complex PTSD and trauma, so please feel free to skip to the next paragraph if that choice feels right for you today.]

Intuition is a cool concept: you listen to your body and act accordingly. On the surface, that sounds easy, but it feels complicated to me. I've mentioned a few times over the years that I live with Complex PTSD. When someone with C-PTSD is triggered, they might revert back to an emotional response similar to the way they felt when the trauma was actually occurring. My healing journey has involved learning to differentiate between these survival mode emotional responses versus emotional reactions that correspond with my actual, current safety levels.

So, learning how to trust my intuition when it comes to decision-making feels like an exciting next step on my path.

Just as “precious” is my stand-in for discipline, “wild” is my stand-in word for intuition. Wild symbolizes living in a wild animal body, which harkens to a line in another of Oliver’s poems, “Wild Geese”:

“You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.”

As I explore tending to “future Kate” through making decisions in the moment, I’d like to listen to my soft animal body’s boundaries and adjust as needed.

I'll share my thoughts as I explore my wild and precious life, but I’d love to hear any topics that you’re curious for me to research and write about. I invite you to respond to this email and share.

Updates and Recommendations

I’m working on updating the structure for this part of the letter, so join me as I explore what I want to focus on. Today I’d like to mention two things that are bringing my joy.

>> I got a Lolly Lolly “Speckle mug” for Christmas and I am in love! It’s bigger than I expected and for that reason, it’s become my favorite mug for hot tea. Kris and I have been daydreaming about buying a house in the next few years, and I might need a cabinet just for my mugs.

>> I’ve been listening to slower, softer jazz and it’s bringing me a lot of joy. I discovered Bladverk Band through a playlist Rachael Stephen shared and they’ve been a go-to. Kris got me a radio for Christmas so I’m going to be able to listen to more Jazz á la Mode on NEPM in the evenings.

Take good care and I’ll talk to you soon!